Ode to Paul Janish

I don’t know if we’ve ever posted twice in 90 minutes, but here goes.

I forgot something: I was reading Will Leitch’s Ten Humans of the Week column of Deadspin and felt it was a propos to my last post because he hit on Pedro Martinez and dwarfs. (Is there a distinction between dwarfs and dwarves? Are dwarves axe-wielding miners from Tolkien’s Middle-Earth and dwarfs real-life short humans with a genetic condition? I’d find out, but I’m too lazy).

Anyhoo, according to Leitch, “Dwarf” is the preferred term for the vertically challenged and “midget” is considered perjorative. If that’s the case, I’d apologize, but I’m the kind of guy who still thinks women are kitchen appliances, so screw ’em.

Anyhoo, I feel obligated to comment on last night’s game because of Paul Janish. Janish, a Reds shortstop who pitched the 8th inning of the Phillies’ 22-1 seal-clubbing last night (btw, the Phillies scored 22 runs despite not batting in the bottom of the 9th–that’s nuts), displayed impressive control and a low-90s fastball with some decent movement, striking out Pedro Feliz. And also gave up a grand slam to Jayson Werth (the man who can’t spell either of his names right), and two walks. And a double to Eric Bruntlett, who, even after going 2-for-2 last night, is still only hitting .145. Also, 0.2 percent of ESPN.com fantasy baseball owners own Bruntlett. I’d like to meet that 0.2 percent and sell them a bridge.

Paul Janish’s name is also very similar to that of Pawel Janas, the former manager of the Polish national soccer team. And your mother said this blog wasn’t educational.

Anyway, Janish, whose ERA ballooned to 49.50 on the season, did the only thing he could do after Werth’s home run: Crack up laughing, which puts him at No. 3 on the first-ever Official Phrontiersman Home Run List: Favorite Reactions to Giving Up a Home Run

No. 3: Paul Janish Laughing

Poor guy. Look around the 1:15 mark in this video for the chuckle.

No. 2: Orel Hershiser is Impressed

I can’t find a video of this one. Apparently all the videos of Orel Hershiser are of him playing poker. But on April 30, 1997, Oakland’s Mark McGwire hit a 485-foot home run off Hershiser (who is probably the most famous person to go to Paul’s high school, which beats mine: Kelly Ripa). Apparently the home run dented the Budweiser sign at Jacobs field. Hershiser’s reaction: to turn around and just say “Wow.”

So since I can’t find the video, I’ll give you McGwire going upper-deck against Randy Johnson around the same time. Bonus Geronimo Berroa sighting in this vid.

No. 1: Bengie Molina throws his glove

Ok, not only can I not find a video of this, I can’t even prove that it happened. But I swear to God it did. I remember exactly where I was–I was cashing out at Carolina Wings (where I worked as a waiter in the summer of 2007), sitting at a table and looking up at the TV, which was showing highlights of the Phillies-Giants game from that afternoon. A Phillie (I’m almost positive it was Ryan Howard, but if it wasn’t, that might have something to do with why I can’t find the right game from the box scores) hits a home run and before he’s even out of the box, Giants catcher Bengie Molina jumps up, takes his mitt off and chucks it at the ground as hard as he can. Like I said, I can’t find video, but I know for sure it was a Phillies-Giants game in 2007 and I’m pretty sure the batter was Howard and the catcher was Molina. Any help on this would be greatly appreciated.

Next up: The Top Ten Most Famous Non-World Series Home Runs.

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1 Comment

Filed under General Bull

One response to “Ode to Paul Janish

  1. Ash

    You know I WAS waiting for a gem like “If that’s the case, I’d apologize, but I’m the kind of guy who still thinks women are kitchen appliances, so screw ‘em.” to make its way into your writing. Kudos. Now go be like Eric Bruntlett and DFA yourself. Minus the D and the A.

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