The New York Mets, unable to find a plug for their still-leaky bullpen, announced a historic signing Monday afternoon when they unveiled their latest free-agent signing: right-handed pitcher Sir Michael Gambon.
“We noticed that Raul Ibanez, one of the most dangerous hitters in the NL East, bears a striking resemblance to Lord Voldemort,” said Mets GM Omar Minaya. “We figured that the best way to defeat the Dark Lord would be to bring in Dumbledore to face him.”
Gambon, 68, will become, on his debut, the oldest player in major league history. The award-winning actor hopes to succeed where other high-priced Mets acquisitions have failed.
In related news, the Florida Marlins have entered negotiations with free-agent pitcher Daniel Radcliffe, 19, who has played the title character opposite Gambon’s Dumbledore in the recent Harry Potter movies. The two sides have yet to come to an agreement.
The Phrontiersman will keep you appraised as this story develops.